Sunday, March 18, 2012

Clarity of being and Quality of life

March 18, 2012
I have not had as many posts lately.  I believe there are a few reasons for that.
First and foremost, I am getting more sleep.  My diet change and some changes in me seem to be the center of that one and it is not a bad reason.  The better that I sleep, the better off my body and my Psyche will be also.
I am now comfortably cured of cancer.  That is something that I am quite happy about.  I will be checked and will probably have biopsies taken on a quarterly basis the rest of my life, but it has now been a half year since even a A typical mole has been found.
I still struggle with blood sugar a bit at times.  I must eat at times just to keep it up and often times, when I eat something sugary, I pay for it afterwards.  I still have those sugar cravings but have found myself able to fight them better especially when I remember that feeling that they give.
One of my biggest struggles is still my PTSD.  It presents itself in a few different ways generally in phobias.  I wonder if I ever will be able to take a long trip again.  I often watch shows or read of places that I would love to visit but just the thought of the travel causes my blood pressure to rise.  And tight confined spaces are more than I can handle at times.  I have a storage shed with a heavy door that likes to swing shut with the wind.  I always insure that door is quite open or even blocked before going in.  The other day, at the chamber, I was directed to their small elevator.  I stared at the small space......and took the stairs.  I am working with two different counselors to help solve this problem.  I am also reading a book on cognitive therapy.  While the book seems to be helping in other ways, it does not seem to do much for the anxiety when it comes.
Business seems to be OK lately.  I am always on the alert there, however, in that it will not take much to change that.  We must always be fervent to keep up our quality of food, quality of service, cleanliness, and even watch to make sure that our suroundings don't began to look.....old.  I have watched many shows on different restaurants who have let down on just one of those areas and become money drains.  I must always be aware that it is just not Judy and my life that will be affected but some 20 to 30 others also.
Judy and I have won a couple of awards lately.  We received one from the City of Bend last month and one from the Red Cross in a couple of weeks.  I am very grateful for them but even more grateful for the outpouring of support from my friends about them.  When we went to the City, our friends filled the council chambers which did not have enough seats for all.  I am so thankful for all of the friends that we have made in the past few years.
Speaking of friends, I seem to be losing a few of those lately also.  Last Monday was not a red letter day. I lost four friends in a 24 hour period:
Esther lived behind us.  Her husband, Dud, passed on a few years back.  The parents of another friend, Carl, I enjoyed both of their company.  Dud and I would often stand out back and talk.  Esther was the quiet one, however.  I could sum up her life as I saw it in two words.....Quiet Grace.  I can still vision her sitting with a smile on her face, listening with her head nodding.  Her service was Friday.
Stu was the great uncle of Dan Fouts.  I always enjoyed him especially at the Band of Brother meetings.  Stu was often just a step back when we did the pledge of allegiance.  Often times, he would be one word behind the rest of us and when our leader led us in a salute he would sound out "two" behind him at the finish.  He would also, at times, state his agreement with something that you said with a resounding, "OK".  His service is coming up and the Band of Brothers want to make it a good one.
Tom was a friendly guy. I knew a couple of his daughters as they were my kids age and enjoyed talking with him.  On a warm summer day, Tom would enjoy going outside and sitting on one of our benches after eating his meal.  He stopped me there once telling me that the bench was so low that it was hard for him to get up.  I found four pieces of wood and blocked up the bend a few inches.  He told me that it made it much easier.   Those blocks will stay and the bench will always be 'Tom's Bench'.  I am even considering a sort of plaque or something to honor him.  His service was last Wednesday and I was sick that day and unable to attend.
Fred was a very close friend. I have known him since the beginning of the diner   He was in the original TV ad back then and was a part of the group that I named the 'Mountain High Round Table Breakfast Club'.  Over the years, I have spent many an hour sitting and talking with Fred over a cup of coffee.  But Judy became even closer to him that me.  They just seemed to hit it off and I think she took him as a sort of father figure.  His service is this Friday and I know it will be a hard day for her.
I am also considering the writing of the story of Jake's.  It seems to be very inspirational when I tell parts of it from time to time and I don't want to lose any of the small stories that are a part of it.  There were so many parts going all the way back to why I even came there in the first place that I don't want to forget and that might just encourage someone to either pursue their dreams or to keep their minds open for God's path.  It seems to be a story of redemption, faith, and God's grace that needs to be written if just to validate it.
But for now, I am still living the story on a day to day basis.  And when I contemplate it, I often wonder what the next rise in the road will bring as I walk through this thing we call 'Life'.

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